Saturday, December 18, 2004
clean house.
feels good.
school's D-U-N done.
I am half way to becoming the massage therapist I always wanted to be, since january.
100 more days of school. another six months. I can't imagine how much I will know about the body at that point...I hope I come out of the looking like the other ones...sparkling and cleansed, full of life and light to give.
we had a party last night at my house, a Christmas party, decorating, cookies, a little tree all fancied up. very beautiful and warm, the house was cleaned and prepped, the people were lovely and chill, the candles glowed softly. ah. how refreshing. and now we have lots of red wine and egg nog. I finally got my unwind time in the hot tub. mmmm. and got to firedance outside in the cold air. love it. and today was the 4pm brunch on pearl street. good food, finally. so I think my two main wishes and wants during my stressed out finals period have been fulfilled--hot tub and good food. and going home promises more of the second. that happens on tuesday, the 21st. I am super excited to see the folks I haven't seen in so long. the 22nd is proclaimed NIcole Day, and I don't even know when I saw her last. I wish I had more time in the keys during my trip, but I fear most of it will be at my G-ma's in Naples. I hope to get downtown a couple times to dance and see people who are home. yay. I am off again, but not because I have anything in particular to do. I win.
Happy Holidays and love and hugs.
feels good.
school's D-U-N done.
I am half way to becoming the massage therapist I always wanted to be, since january.
100 more days of school. another six months. I can't imagine how much I will know about the body at that point...I hope I come out of the looking like the other ones...sparkling and cleansed, full of life and light to give.
we had a party last night at my house, a Christmas party, decorating, cookies, a little tree all fancied up. very beautiful and warm, the house was cleaned and prepped, the people were lovely and chill, the candles glowed softly. ah. how refreshing. and now we have lots of red wine and egg nog. I finally got my unwind time in the hot tub. mmmm. and got to firedance outside in the cold air. love it. and today was the 4pm brunch on pearl street. good food, finally. so I think my two main wishes and wants during my stressed out finals period have been fulfilled--hot tub and good food. and going home promises more of the second. that happens on tuesday, the 21st. I am super excited to see the folks I haven't seen in so long. the 22nd is proclaimed NIcole Day, and I don't even know when I saw her last. I wish I had more time in the keys during my trip, but I fear most of it will be at my G-ma's in Naples. I hope to get downtown a couple times to dance and see people who are home. yay. I am off again, but not because I have anything in particular to do. I win.
Happy Holidays and love and hugs.
this is me during finals this quarter...trying to stay pretty underneath the "fat ass of anxiety."
my room. imagine me sitting in front of the computer on a little fold-out cooler chair. that's where I am now.
THis is my living room, my poi are in the foreground on the floor. Those windows look out onto the creek and the side yard where tulips will be blooming in the spring (and probably getting just as quickly eaten by the deer.
Sunday, December 12, 2004
when there is ego involved, it is easy for it to get bruised, when it is so expanded and sure. in that moment when it happens did you even know you felt on top of a mountain, passing out wisdom like wafers to the mentally desolate. in these moments when you are weak, be weak and I can lift you up, but if you become heavy and hard, turn the floating aura of ego into a towering boulder, I cannot lift you. you are heavy and I am caught under the weight of your embarrassment. The space of not-knowing is the space of learning and the door is opened with humility. Ignorance is a mansion and each of us rents a room. perhaps one day we can all sit by the fire and trade the stories of weaknesses and give each other strength. who are we, partial picture puzzle pieces of god, each of us not mighty, but glorious in our smallness. as the scope widens, the miracles become more obvious. every day is a blooming flower, each dusk a bee harvesting pollen to nourish our nighttime dreams.
words of wisdom, the subtle becomes crude in its utterance
if you try to state it too clearly.
the sacredness of silence, of mystery.
two eyes of a limited scope
two ears unable to hear the undulations of thought
unspoken
but the heart, unseen and steadfast
knows when to make the body live and how to let it die.
words of wisdom, the subtle becomes crude in its utterance
if you try to state it too clearly.
the sacredness of silence, of mystery.
two eyes of a limited scope
two ears unable to hear the undulations of thought
unspoken
but the heart, unseen and steadfast
knows when to make the body live and how to let it die.
Thursday, December 02, 2004
spinning amorphous miasma, is this the confusion that precedes creation. Who am I? Is it just the leaves falling depleting my brain of its much needed seratonin. Seasonally Affected. Or is it school. I don't remember last Fall feeling like this. I chew on my cuticles, no time to shop at the store I resort to eating my own flesh. There is only now, this next hour, study, sleep, sex, cry, climb, sleep, eat. Good food and a long sojourn to the hot tub. a return to the womb, just for a moment please, it certainly has been a while. I get needles stuck in me every week to encourage the recovery of my back injury that has flared back up since I started getting rubbed four times a week. Acupuncture. usually it's good. Last night the student couldn't fit the pieces of the puzzle together, didn't know where the dots were to connect them, I got a haphazard treatment that left me depleted, defeated.
Come run in the snow with me someone and we will pack snow balls and shush our limbs like angels wings into the ground.
Only three more weeks and then a month off. I return home, fly south for a week. Salt air and bluegreen ocean, warm air that I used to shiver in.
But, enough of all that, I have to go study for the next test of the day. and eat.
If you got extra hugs, send em to Boulder...
Love to you.
Come run in the snow with me someone and we will pack snow balls and shush our limbs like angels wings into the ground.
Only three more weeks and then a month off. I return home, fly south for a week. Salt air and bluegreen ocean, warm air that I used to shiver in.
But, enough of all that, I have to go study for the next test of the day. and eat.
If you got extra hugs, send em to Boulder...
Love to you.
