Thought Nestuary

Someone or two asked me, "Yo, what you be lookin' like?" And I said, "I don't know, let me take a picture to find out." Here are the results. No votes, please.

Lazy Sunday photo session. 

Embodying the mask Michael painted on my face. Do I look very tribal to you?  

oh, self-photo shoots, a great way to pass the day.  

mmmm, boy. That was a good apple. and these are my ever-lovin' sweat pants and my humble kitchen. My room is on the otherside of that wall behind me.  

eating an apple 2 days ago. You might also notice that I am wearing new earrings in my second hole. They are little bone tear-drop shaped stretchers. just little. 

Am I really writing a blog? It's difficult to believe. I have begun to write a few times in the past months, but something always comes up. Somewhere to go, something to process, someone's on the phone. etc. It's Spring, now. The bare branches are starting to bud, little nubs of concentrated lifeforce. I hope I am a nub. I love to wake up in my room now that the sun shines in in the mornings. And birds are flying around again. I am even learning some of their names: housefinch, stellar jay, mountain chickadee. I saw a bald eagle cruising over the mountains recently and six doe grazing, black squirrels with their magical eartufts. Somedays now I feel like bounding around like a springling. Emotional turmoil stills reigns. The play I am in goes up in a week. Exciting, frightening, relieving. It has been a wonderful project and I have met some really beautiful and powerful people during the process. What I wanted out of the experience I have received. And it feels good to give of myself in this way, to a group, to an audience. The time is coming to really turn my focus toward performing firedancing for the Summer season on the mall. It feels like a great way to get myself out there to make connections and also to make some money, and moreover just to do something that makes me feel beautiful. Practice doing something I am passionate about. Massage School is coming to an end. I had my first day back on Thursday. The modality this quarter is Integrative. More body-mind-spirit oriented than Swedish or Deep Tissue. More intuitive. I think it will feel good to settle into this work, like coming home in a sense. Michael and I are in different sections for the first time since we began school and I believe it is a positive change. We need some differentiation between us as living together, going to school together, and sleeping together really fosters an enmeshed relationship. It has been a painful struggle to begin to pull our beings apart, like taking off a bandaid off a hairy and unhealed wound. slowly. After doing everything together for so long any sort of individuality can feel like a personal attack. Just not healthy and he is important enough to me to try to become myself while remaining in relationship with him. I know for certain that if we didn't live together we would be broken up. There are just things that are unpleasant for me to work through in myself and things in him that are unpleasant to work through. But, thankfully, there is a lot of laughter and play and deeply connective love-making to balance out all of the hardship. Still, I look forward to a time when we can just hang out and not push any buttons or pull any triggers and just be beautiful people living out our soul missions together. harmoniously, calmly, lightly, truthfully. a long pause...Michael just got home from climbing and is feeling yucky...this is the part when I take care of him. More soon, I hope. I miss everyone, my friends who I haven't talked to in ever. Love.